Facts and Statistics About Infidelity
Given the secretive nature of infidelity, exact figures about cheating and extra-marital affairs are nearly impossible to establish. But, listed below are some of the most well-supported facts about cheating.
- It is estimated that roughly 30 to 60% of all married individuals (in the United States) will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage And these numbers are probably on the conservative side, when you consider that close to half of all marriages end in divorce
- Research consistently shows that 2 to 3% of all children are the product of infidelity. And most of these children are unknowingly raised by men who are not their biological fathers.
- Infidelity is becoming more common among people under 30. Many experts believe this increase in cheating is due to developing the habit of having multiple sexual partners before they get married.
- There are no definitive "signs of cheating." But, in hindsight you will always find them.
- Men are more likely to cheat than women. But, as women become more financially independent, women are starting to act more like men with respect to infidelity.
- In many cases, infidelity never gets discovered.
- Emotionally, it is possible to have feelings for more than one person at a time.
- As more and more women enter the work force, "office romances" are becoming more common. Spouses often spend more time with coworkers than with each other.
- The internet, e-mail, and chat rooms are making it easier for people to engage in infidelity.
- The initial decision to be unfaithful is rarely ever a rational choice; instead infidelity is usually driven by circumstances and one's emotions. In fact, most people are surprised by their own behavior at the start of an affair.
- Emotional infidelity, compared to just physical infidelity, can inflict as much, if not more, hurt, pain and suffering. And to make matters worse, most infidelity involves both physical and emotional betrayal. Like most of our behaviors, infidelity is not intentional, but, for the most part, it is situationally driven.
When placed in the right situation (or wrong situation, in this case), our emotions can prompt us to act in ways which are counter to our beliefs. Please note that some of the factors listed below are drawn from Buss and Shackelford's work on infidelity.
What high risk factors influence an individual's willingness to cheat?
Attractiveness
All things being equal, an individual’s attractiveness influences how likely he or she is to cheat. Attraction comes in many different forms – it is influenced by one’s physical appearance, one’s social skills, and one’s tangible resources (money). The more one is in demand, the more likely one is to cheat. People, who have higher incomes, more education, and successful careers, are more likely to cheat than people who are less successful. And physical attractiveness also plays an important role.
Opportunity
Again, all things being equal, the more individual free time people have the more likely they are to cheat. Couples who have separate social lives, friends, careers, travel plans, and so on are much more likely to cheat than couples who spend most of their time together. The more opportunity people have to cheat, the greater the odds that cheating will occur.Risk Taking
People who like to take risks or have a sense of adventure are more likely to cheat than people who are more fearful or timid by nature. And there is most likely a genetic component involved in risk-taking behavior - some people may be predisposed to taking risks.
Sexual desire varies from person to person. Some people have a very high sex drive while other people are much less concerned or interested in sex. And people with a high, rather than low, sex drive are more likely to cheat. Again, sexual desire appears to be influenced by genetic factors. Some people are inherently more easily aroused and driven by their desire for sex than other people. People who have multiple affairs are often addicted to the novelty and excitement which infidelity can provide. Men, more so than women, also tend to have a higher sex drive and are more likely to cheat.
Some people view love and romance as a sacred bond between two individuals. Other people see love as a game, where the goal is to manipulate another individual and gain emotional power over a partner (ludus). People who view love as a game are much more likely to have multiple love interests; cheating is just another way to gain control over one's spouse. Also, people with a dismissive style of attachment, are more likely to cheat.Relational Problems
As problems emerge in a relationship, people are more likely to cheat. Infidelity is more common in relationships where people feel misunderstood, under appreciated and where fighting and bickering is common.
Some people, due to their position in society, their beliefs about gender roles, or their cultural upbringing, believe that it is their right to cheat on their partners. In other words, some people believe that cheating is a privilege to which they are entitled. Such individuals, philanders, often engage in infidelity with little guilt or remorse.Which of the 7 risk factors do you think has the largest influence on whether someone cheats and the increase in infidelity among young people today? Why? Give us an example if you know of one. Lastly, what can one do to "cheat proof" their relationship?
I think sexual desire has the largest influence on whether someone cheats. The increase in sexual partners at an early age and the curiosity of reaching new heights in your sex life causes people to search for someone to attain these desires. If your significant other does not accommodate your desires you may look elsewhere. The fact that you and your partners sex drive may be different also plays a role in the cheating. You can be compatible with a person on every level but sex and you think you can work the issues out when in all actuality your partner is going elsewhere. So I know a couple who was not compatible sexually and could never be compatible. The wife only had prior sexual partner and the husband had ten. The one to ten ratios created a mental block in the wife’s head and she always felt she was not good enough and she was self conscience if caused the husband to get frustrated and go elsewhere. The husband going elsewhere and the wife finding out caused a bigger mental block for the wife and the situation became unrecoverable. The wife could not get over her issues and satisfy her husband. The husband continued to cheat and the couple ended up divorced. I do not think you can “cheat proof” your relationship. I think you can talk to your partner and see what will cause the other one to go elsewhere and try to work on those issues on a personal level and a relationship level to minimize cheating from happening. You can only control you not your partner. You cannot stop someone from doing what they want to.
ReplyDeleteI believe that Opportunity is the biggest risk factor. I have seen it before especially in the military. When I was stationed in Korea I saw the most infidelity ever. It was a one year tour and it was a drink fest whenever you weren’t working. Being that it is also an unaccompanied tour everyone was solo without their significant other that was thousands of miles away. I saw many people, both men and women, who were married get involved in affairs within the first two months of being in country. It was so bad that when a bus of freshly arrived troops for my squadron would pull up to drop them off for in processing, my buddies and I would be there looking at who would come off the bus and we would make bets on who would cheat and within what time frame. The irony of course is that adultery is a major taboo in the military and punishable under the UCMJ but it was rampant in Korea and every other country that I went to where the tour was unaccompanied and at deployments…to include Iraq…yes Iraq…there was time for cheating out there too. I don’t think there is a cheat proof way to stop cheating. If a person is going to cheat they are going to do it. One shouldn’t stress about if their significant other is going to cheat either. Why worry about it or try to stop it? They will find a way to do it if they want to, and if they do…just dump that person!
ReplyDeleteI feel that sexual desires is the main one that affects a person’s ability and wants to have an affair. I know personally as a male that when I see an attractive woman walking by me, even if I’m with my woman of just alone. If she is that good looking of course I’m not going help but to stare. Also me personally again being a male and working out a lot as I do for work etc. My testosterone levels are really high and this brings my sexual desire to rise up a lot more than a male or female who isn’t as active. I have a friend who dates a lot of woman just because he is single and has no children. Also he lives at home still so no bill or responsibilities. He goes out and messes with whoever he gets ahold of and every time he stays with one for a while and makes the attached. His breaks their hearts by no calling them or seeing them as he was doing the past month or so. I’ve asked why he’s always so hurtful to them and he tells me that he gets bored. Also that some learn about his background of woman and dating. So he gets annoyed because he says once they know his past they start asking more personal things about him, and he can’t handle having to work on the questions to not make them upset etc.
ReplyDeleteI believe that the highest risk factors would be the attitude towards love and rational problems. I say this because every person is different and there view on a relationship varies when your in a relationship one person may being thinking of the relationship as long term and if they can see themselves making a life with that person as to where the other may think that the person their with is a good times right now but no intention of staying with them. What can cause a person to cheat in a relationship it rational problems I have seen it many times and have heard it; that men seek elsewhere what their not getting at home. I don't feel in any shape of form that this is an excuse to cheat, regardless of what the issue is at with your partner there is not reason to cheat if you don't want to be with the person then don't be. The reason I think alot of young people now a day do it is because it may be easier to end a relationship that way than to acctually confront the person about your feelings and to those people I say "coward." Then there may also be that men just like women have the option of cheating more available to them now a days than before. Many reasons and variables as to why a person my cheat but it is not anything that I am ever willing to put up with. Once a cheater always a cheater!
ReplyDeleteI definitely believe that opportunity is the biggest factor that results in one partner cheating on the other. I have never cheated or been cheated on, however if the opportunity doesn't present itself to someone, they aren't as likely to be tempted to get involved with someone else. It takes two to cheat, and unless the second person is unaware that the cheater is in a relationship, both the cheater and the person that the cheater is cheating with are equally responsible for the infidelity. Attitude towards love could also play a big role. If a person views love as something that comes and goes and not something that you commit to work at, I could definitely see that person being able to justify cheating in his or her mind. In general though, I think that cheating is primarily caused as a result of opportunity, and I think that of all of the reasons to cheat, sense of entitlement is the least common.
ReplyDeleteI believe that there are many different reasons that people cheat, but one of the biggest factors is people’s attitude and view of love and romance. Especially during these modern times, young people are subjected to a very nonchalant attitude toward love and romance where if you aren’t happy just find someone else that can fulfill your need, it’s an instant gratification or quick fix. Which is what a lot of younger people are used to now a days, always looking for a quick fix for things or finding the fastest, easiest solution to a problem. I know tons of people who think of love as a game, there is this person who hangs around with some of the students in the drama department at school and he flirts non-stop with the girls. Which most of the boys in the department do, but he admitted nonchalantly one day that he had a girlfriend, which shocked everyone. He talked about how he knew she was cheating and that it was okay to do that to her because she understood. It surprised me that a lot of the guys had the same attitude, but I believe what we see and observe everyday has this affect on our view of love.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to cheating, I believe that it comes from a mix of sexual desire and the opportunity that there is to cheat. These days, it is very common for people to have sex before marriage, which also means that they will be more likely to have more than one sexual partner before becoming wed. This usually comes from the fact that people like sex, and it is something that they look for and crave. If they are not getting the amount of sex that they would like in their current relationship, or it isn’t very good, people will start to look elsewhere to get the sex they crave. But, while looking and finding this good sex, they stay with their current partner, trying to have the best of both worlds. Unfortunately for them, it does work like that and people will end up hurt. But, cheating also comes from a result of just having the opportunity to participate in these activities. Whether the people are home alone, or even result to using a car, if they’re with someone that they find attractive, and typically cannot control themselves around them, or if they have feelings for this person, cheating will happen. This also leads to people getting hurt. But, it isn’t just the person getting cheated on that gets hurt. Usually, the person that is being used to cheat with ends up getting hurt as well, for one reason or another. What I don’t understand is why people cheat.. If you aren’t happy with the relationship that you’re in, or have feelings for someone else, end the relationship that you’re in, before you hurt more people than necessary.
ReplyDelete*it does not work like that
DeleteI think the top reasons in my opinion would have to be Opportunity, sexual desire, and attitude toward love and romance/attachment and love styles. Opportunity is the most obvious but not EVERYONE is going to cheat even if they have an opportunity. I definitely would agree with the fact that men cheat more than women because of the high sex drive issue. If there's a situation that a man is taken but he has the perfect opportunity to cheat, he is likely to take it. NOT SAYING ALL MEN would but some would for sure do it. They see it as "ohh what she doesn't know won't hurt her, it's a one time thing" so that's how they make themselves feel better about doing it when it comes to opportunity. That guys sex drive's can be so high they can't control themselves and go for it. Sexual desire can be a BIG ISSUE. I've watched this show about infidelity and MANY episodes showed that when the man is unhappy sexually, or even if the woman is unhappy sexually they see it as "my needs are not being fulfilled". If something like that is missing there, they WILL try to go and look for it, sometimes they feel bad after sometimes they don't. The last one is attitude towards love which is HUGE i think. If someone truly believes they have something special and only have eyes for them they're not going to be the ones to cheat. It's the partner who sees love as a game and who wouldn't take it seriously who is most likely to cheat or try to look for trouble in that way and don't like having just "one" partner. The person who doesn't take it seriously likes the power and control they can get from these women. I dated a Ludus and after taking this class it freaks me out how descriptive this lover type was for him. He had kind of a lot of partners in the past but i sort of let that go thinking hey well he's with me now what does the number matter. Guess again, it can matter in certain circumstances such as that. He was so "used" to messing with so many women and taking advantage of their happiness including mine that when he got bored he would move on to the next one and had a dismissive type of attachment style which is a big red flag when i look back now. Since he viewed love as a game that's why he pulled a fast one on me exactly how this blog is describing why people turn to infidelity when it comes to viewing love that way.
ReplyDeletei feel there are many different reasons why people cheat not necesarily just what waqs listed above. although i think there is also other factors than mentioned i feel that sexual desire is a huge one and so is someones attitude Toward Love and Romance/Attachment and Love StylesEveryoone is different. some people view when you are even talking to some one like showing interest in that person you dont even think about some one else an dothers view until there is a ring on their finger fair game and evne some people think it is perfectly okay to engage in scandlous activties. also people dont think about the person they so called are in love with and care aout and their feelings and how that action will effect them. people think about themselves and are selfish. i know that yes sexual attraction to someone is going to pull you towards them and attrat you to them, but have people heard of self control and respect for who thewy are with adn what they have in that relationship. i think if someone cheats they didnt really have something sacr3d like maybe one of the partners thought they did. Some people view love and romance as a sacred bond between two individuals. Other people see love as a game, where the goal is to manipulate another individual and gain emotional power over a partner. i thought in this way in part when i was immature and liked attention for the male gender. i didnt act though like a tramp by any means. i just flirted a lot and now i a pragma and i agree with that study. i thought the person i was with was mature and he was older and i saw us on the same matureity level. but obivously i was wrong he i still dont know if he always this way or other factors came into play or if it was a built up thing but he acted in an unexcusable manner and unforgivable. People who view love as a game are much more likely to have multiple love interests; cheating is just another way to gain control over one's spouse. i believe he did so but like i sdaid i dont know if he was always a man of this character. he chnged a lot. i think he got sacred and Also, people with a dismissive style of attachment, are more likely to cheat.
ReplyDeleteRelational Problems. he geneually was ssorry and wanted t move on we did sobut like a woman i just couldnt let go. i dont know if their is necessarily a way to 'cheat proof' one;s relationship but i think trust and respect are key factors to any healthy relatuonship and values and morals need to be in place.
While all those seven risk factors can play a role in different situations of cheating, I think opportunity plays the biggest role in cheating in most cases. If given the opportunity, there’s always a chance that one partner in a relationship is likely to cheat. Not every time and definitely not every person is going to cheat given an opportunity, but without it there would be no one for one partner in a relationship to cheat with. In many occasions, there are other things that go into cheating along with opportunity, like if there’s conflict in the relationship at the given time of the cheating instance or if one partner is just not getting their sexual needs met in the relationship. People in our society today, not just men, are very driven by sex. This is due to the fact that in many case people are beginning to have sex at an earlier age and are having more sexual partners throughout their lives instead of waiting until after marriage. If someone is not getting their sexual needs met in their relationship, they are likely to search for it somewhere else. As far as “cheat proofing” a relationship goes, I don’t think there’s much you can do to keep it from happening if it’s going to happens. A lot of times it’s a moment of emotion that can’t be explained, though it doesn’t have a right to be in the end. Cheating is cheating. I think keeping the lines of communication open could help a relationship from ending through cheating, but there’s not much else that can be done until it unless happens.
ReplyDeleteI think it’s a combination of both the attitude and relationship problems. In my opinion, if you know you’re dating someone who has that kind of attitude, someone who just sees you as a game to beat, you’re kind of asking for it. And combine that with fighting? That’s just a disaster waiting to happen.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, that’s what I see happening a lot lately. I feel that people today, especially people around my age or younger, have a very dismissive view towards love and relationships. Cheating is seen as a bad thing when it happens to you, but when you do it, everything’s just peachy.
I think, in order to “cheat proof” a relationship now’n’days, you need to be very upfront about what you expect. Make it damn clear that you’re not going to stick around in a relationship that the other is treating as a game. If that’s what they want, they’ll back out right after they see you refuse to play along.
Well this on is kind of hard for me to answer because I’m not sure how to answer it. I think there are two different ones that are factors in a human cheating on their spouse. So the one that is the highest ranking one to me would be the sexual desire and it is because of ones sex drive is high, I remember when I was a young in shape sniper snapper I had a high sexual drive but now that having medical injuries that cause lower sex drive and I never thought I would be here. I was one that never had girlfriend because I new that I could not handle myself from wanting to try other things? That is why you should not be in a relationship till your at least 26 or older. The other that I feel is right up their in the ranking would be opportunity because while one is at home taking of the fort and another is allowed to travel because of work or other situations I have to say when you are used to being allowed to have it when ever you can from your spouse but yet your gone all the time your going to get it other places it sad to say but its true. My mother works for are family and one of the coworkers was busted cheating and he is now playing suck up and kiss a$$ to make their relationship last and being a stupid women she is keeping him because she is of a Pilipino decent and they seem to be more understanding with it but that issue means the trust will be gone forever and they will never love each other the same so I hope that was the write way to answer if not just let me no and ill re do it.
ReplyDeleteI think the most influential risk factor on an individuals willingness to cheat would be relational problems because either something is missing, passion has faded, partner feels lonely, they find someone who treats them better or who appreciates them more than their current partner, they weren’t emotionally satisfied in their current relationship or wished to gain additional emotional connection or validation, or just basically the love is no longer there, or are bored in their relationship so they go looking for love and affection somewhere else.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure sexual desires is another big risk factor. I say mainly, not always but most of the time it is men because maybe they are not getting sexually satisfied from their partner, and go looking for it else where. They might still love and care for their partner but they just go looking for some fling who will satisfy their "needs" under the sheets in ways that their partner doesn't. I guess maybe "try" something different?...
In todays world most people are just looking for the sex in the relationship. Everyone just wants sex and thats why i think one of the most important factors to cheating is the Opportunity. Couples that have different schedules than each other makes it harder for him or her to stay faithful. For most people if they have the opportunity to have sex and cheat they will more than likely do it.
ReplyDeleteThere was this guy that i knew in highschool and he was in a relationship. One night after the football game everyone went to this party but his girlfriend couldnt make it to the party. well everything was going good until this girl started flirting with him and touching him and well one thing led to another and they ended up having sex at that party. The opportunity for him to have sex came up and knowing that he was in a relationship he still choose to have sex. Most men cannot pass it up , but one way to think about it is how would you feel if you were the one being cheated on. You wouldn't want to be played like that. And really the only way that i can think of how to help prevent cheating is to have full trust in your partner. If you think that right off the bat your partner will cheat on you then he or she isnt the right one to be trusted.
Attractiveness, opportunity, attitude, relational problems and sense of entitlement are possible to reason with. I think Risk taking and sexual desire are the most unavoidable factors. These are objective factors. You can do nothing if somebody was “Born This Way”☺ If you are in the relationship with a potential cheater probable you would have to entertain two questions. First, if it happens do you want to know about it? If you don’t want just let your partner know what you think. It is a potentially dangerous way, because you can catch AIDS or something else from your cheating partner.
ReplyDeleteSecond, if it happened and you know, what would you do? Do you want to end this relationship or in hope it won’t happened again stay?
Majority of our class is very young, romantic and idealistic. Life is ruff and tuff and has more black stripes then white. We were taught in this class that personality could change over time, so we also have to be able to change and forgive, at least sometimes. I’m not saying it’s O’K to cheat, I’m just saying we have to try to adjust.
I believe that the greatest risk factor regarding infidelity within a relationship lies in the subject's attitude towards love, as well as their attachment styles. A person who views love as a feeling that must be taken seriously and respected will be less likely to break that bond with their significant other. On the other hand, a person, such as a ludus lover, is prone to violate through infidelity the same feeling their counterpart, perhaps an agape, hold to be an unbreakable link. Moreover, the increase of infidelity over the years could perhaps be explained by the simple fact that, in comparison to previous generations, younger generations are, to a certain extent, expected to engage in various relationships before marriage, whereas older generations perceived love to be a sanctity that must be experienced with the least amount of partners, if not a single partner, before marriage. Thus, it is this justification of various relationships before "the one" that diminishes the weight of love itself; that is, the perception of love as a sanctity is decreased and the expectations of fidelity have been lowered by modern society, therefore increasing the risk of infidelity in a relationship. However, I believe that an increase in the partner's sense of entitlement in a relationship yields to a decrease in the risk of infidelity; if you feel like you belong in a relationship, the odds of you wanting an escape of that relationship will be greatly diminished.
ReplyDeleteAs mention by statistics above infidelity is becoming more common in couples under thirty years old, infidelity can be caused by many factors. Although , I believe opportunity and relational problems play an important role in infidelity. When a couple is experiencing major problems in their relationship and they start avoiding the problem, this usually lead up to infidelity. One partner may feel like their partner is not being understanding or supportive. This person will seek support somewhere else, usually people close to them like coworkers, friends and even everyday acquaintances,which will eventually lead into infidelity. If this person is fighting consistently with their partner,they will start to drift away little by little from the relationship to avoid each other. Considering, they have more free time on their hands , they have the opportunity to commit infidelity on their partner.Risk taking is also an important factor on infidelity, due to that risk taking behavior, some people engage in infidelity because they like the adrenaline pumping.
ReplyDeleteI think the biggest factor for cheating would be opportunity, the second would be sexual desire both are tied to each other. if you feel the need for a more active sex life and your partner isn't living up to your standards your going to go look for an opportunity to find it else where. As far as making your relationship "cheating proof" I am not sure how too, because I honestly think it'll happen no matter what mistakes happen, people fall out of love so on and so forth. People today aren't as prejudice about affairs, I don't know why, but i also think that since we act so nonchalant about it, it makes it easier to fall off the wagon.
ReplyDeleteI think the Relational Problems and Attractiveness would have to be tied for the risk factors that have the largest influence on people cheating in relationships nowadays. It seems that people just lack the discipline and commitment to staying faithful to their significant other. They always think that there’s so much more they could be experiencing and that they’re missing out on something. They don’t value their relationship enough or aren’t mature enough to maintain one. If you allow someone else’s “attractiveness” to steal your attention from your companion then that speaks volumes about your character. Despite the fact you may be encountering Relational Problems with your partner, out of respect you shouldn’t cheat on them, no matter the circumstance, and if you feel you can’t trust yourself to stay faithful then you should just stick to staying single. There’s much more bad influences around society and they cancel out the positive one’s that still hold value to good morals and traditions. Cheating is a definite deal breaker, and a horrible, if not the most horrible way to end a relationship.
ReplyDeleteIt’s difficult to narrow down all the factors and choose simply one that I think has the biggest influence on cheating, but I’m kind of tied between attitude of love and romance and relational problems. In my mind I feel that many people who cheat nowadays seem to find some sort of thrill in the chase and secrecy, and enjoy looking at it as just a game. They more than likely don’t even have real interest towards the person they’re having the affair with, but they’re just in the mood for some temporary fun. I suppose the reason why I think this is because this generation of young adults acting crazy, rebelling, and living it up is now seen as much more commonplace, and society and the media seem to encourage and glamorize it. On the other hand, I also think relational problems seem like a big issue as well. When I used to feel bored I’d watch random tv shows like Cheaters and I noticed that many of the people who chose to cheat on their significant others did it because they felt like they were stuck in a rut and weren’t given enough attention and affection from their partners. Instead of automatically leaving them or confronting them they seemed to find it less threatening and more convienient to look for someone who can temporarily fill the void within them, even though the person they chose to have the affair with aren’t always necessarily more successful or more attractive than their partner. I don't think there is any one infallible way to "cheat proof" your relationship, but the best relationships are built around trust. Therefore, I think if there's mutual trust and respect between you and your spouse it should be more than enough. Too many people are constantly insecure and paranoid about their spouse cheating and leaving, and always being fearful of that is likely a sign of a relationship about to go down the drain anyway.
ReplyDelete