Love is Not Abuse, a program of our founding sponsor Liz Claiborne, has revealed the findings of their recent study of dating abuse among college students. The results? Dating violence and abuse among college students is more prevalent on college campuses than previously believed.
According to the findings, a significant number of college women are victims of dating violence.
- 43% of dating college women report experiencing abusive dating behaviors including physical, sexual, tech, verbal or controlling abuse.
- Nearly 1 in 3 (29%) college women say they have been in an abusive dating relationship.
- More than half (57%) of college students who report experiencing dating violence said it occurred in college.
Nearly 1.5 million high school students nationwide experience physical abuse from a dating partner in a single year.
- One in three adolescents in the U.S. is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner, a figure that far exceeds rates of other types of youth violence.
- One quarter of high school girls have been victims of physical or sexual abuse.
- Girls and young women between the ages of 16 and 24 experience the highest rate of intimate partner violence -- almost triple the national average.
- Violent behavior typically begins between the ages of 12 and 18
- Violent relationships in adolescence can have serious ramifications by putting the victims at higher risk for substance abuse, eating disorders, risky sexual behavior and further domestic violence.
- Half of youth who have been victims of both dating violence and rape, attempt suicide compared to 12.5% of non-abused girls and 5.4% of non-abused boys.
While many of us know that abuse is wrong, how many of us may be doing it and not even realizing that our actions are borderline abusive? Take the "Am I a good partner?" and "Healthy Relationship" quiz and find out if you're in a healthy relationship and/or if you have abusive tendancies.
Am I a good partner? Quiz
Healthy Relationships Quiz
Blog why you think dating violence and abuse among young adults is on the rise.
I scored 5 points on my quiz for being a good boyfriend. It said that some of my actions may be abusive but I may not realize it. I feel like I am a good partner majority of the time. I do my best to make my girlfriend happy. Sometimes I do things that make her unhappy and she puts me in the place that makes it so hard to apologize. Sometimes I wonder if being in the relationship I’m in is worth it. It bothers me because I know at times she does not trust me. I catch her going through my phone all the time. Twice it has happened she has caught me messaging the same girl. It’s bad on my part for messaging her when I have a girlfriend but it was just a friendly conversation. I don’t mind if she has a lot of guy friends as long as she respects herself and our relationship. I am not a huge flirt but every time she sees me or hears about me talking to another girl she flips. Relationships shouldn’t be like that.
ReplyDeleteI took the quiz and it scored me at 5+. Now, I know the quiz doesn’t ask you to go into detail to some of the answers and that’s why I look bad…lol. I answered on one in particular about making fun of your partner, which I do…but I do that in a joking way and whomever I am with knows me and knows that I am joking. I don’t make fun of the person that I am with in a harmful or hateful matter. There’s a time and place for everything that’s what I do. I don’t agree with the quiz. I know that when I am in a relationship I am very nice and treat the person I am with. I have the utmost respect for women, that’s how I was raised and that’s how I continue to be. I teach my son the same way and talk to him now about the importance of treating women right.
ReplyDeleteWell, I took both the quizzes and scored zeroes because my partner and I are not very violent people. If we have a problem, we both express how we feel and try to come to a compromise or consensus. We do not tease, taunt, or hurt each other physically or emotionally because we have discussed that we want respect and trust from one another. I treat him how I would like to be treated, and I think what influences us the most are the values we were both brought up with. He was brought up in a loving authoritative family in which he has a good relationship with both his parents. I grew up going to private school, and they instilled a healthy set of morals and values that I live by today in which violence was not okay or you would get in trouble. I believe domestic violence and being abusive in a relationship stems greatly from what you are taught or observed in any environment when you are younger. The things that most influence people can affect their psyche. Therefore, if a child is raised in violence, he or she has a higher risk in utilizing violence in any relationship they have.
ReplyDeleteI think dating violence and abuse in young adults is on the rise because of how children are being raised. Many times both parents have to work to maintaine a household which means that parents are absent a lot of the times and children are raising themselves and learning things from other peers which may not be an ideal role model. Also has to do with parents not staying together as often as before, which leads into them being raised with two different values and morals; and may confuse the child. But if both parents were together they would have eachother for support on a decision that would be made and the child would see that act of support as respect for one an other. If this is absent from their life it may lead into a male possibly not having a proper role model or a female having low self esstem about herself or relationships. Also young adults might mimic what they saw in their parents relationship or relationships around them and assume that it is a proper way to act. But then agian these are all just theories of mine and I may never understand why some people stay in violent or abusive relationships. I grew up in a home where my parents were married till death do them part, and we had family cohesiveness, and no abuse; but yet in taking the quiz it said that I'm not a good partner. I understand that no one is perfect and that there is always room for improvement but I would have never considered myself a bad partner. I saw my mother give my father his place as the man of the house, the respect he deserved, and the affection of a loving wife, which is the same thing I attempt to do with my partner but yet I was still categorized as a bad partner so it may just be situational for everyone.
ReplyDeleteI feel that the violence in young relationships is happening more now than in the past due to their generations of more people cheating, more of families having divorce- so some of them are viewing abuse between their parents. A lot of the younger adults, are having children at an early age without a job, proper education for a career, and it increases tension within the relationship. Another reason why violence is on the rise among young adults is because they grew up around violence. These people may think that this type of behavior is normal. Music may have a role in this also. Nowadays, songs that come on on the radio have lyrics that disrespect women, calling them names, being disloyal etc. I feel that young male adults have the perception that it is okay to treat women in this manner. This may lead to a violent relationship as well.
ReplyDeletei took the two tests for today and on the healthy relationship one i scored to have a healthy relationship and on the good partner one i passed to be a good parnter with less thatn five. I think dating violence and abuse among young adults is on the rise. the reason i think it is rising is it has become more acceptable and common practice. video games movies and more allow us to use violence as a prosonia of being acceptable adn cool. sometimes even a fun act to do to someone. also it is more noticed now. i think if it was done in the olden days say like my grandmother gives me stories of when she was young and in school and the Nun would or school teacher would hit them or embarress hem in moements or wrong and to punish. she even said as growing up her mom would whip her when she was bad. statisttics say that positive reinforcement is better for a child. also i wasnt considered to be a violent crime that could be punished. today children can be taken away from their arents and couples can press charges and use that authority of the law to help protect them. also self confidence is a factor if someone has low self esteem they tend to be submissive and make excuses for the abuser or even blame themselves. also if someone came from a household of this nature it plays a role later in their lives too. people should treat people how they want to be treated. and love is not violent. love is suppose to be warm and fuzzy and just sweet.
ReplyDeleteWell as I took this test I feel that it is completely wrong about me and kind of right about my other half. Yes I do make fun of her but it is all at the least of harmfulness it may seem harm to others but she does no who I am and being in the military all of her life I feel that she can handle it well. When it comes down to her and I yes I do see that I will have to watch her on some things but who doesn’t have to watch the other half. I feel that the reason why we are having so many problems with these little kids in college and high school is all because of their parenting that is going on and don’t forget the new society that we live in where it is cool to go out and drink and the maybe hit your other half so you can have make up sex later and the other half is ok with it because she or he has seen it around him growing up. I’m very old school and feel that if you hit a woman you need to be strapped down and let her beat the shit out of you and see how you like it. I feel that you are a coward if you hit a woman I am ok if a woman is hitting you the man can grab your arms and hold them so you do not get hurt but that is as far as I will allow it to be anything else just makes you a B@tC$. But I really think it has to do with video games and what is shown on T.V. these days and your parenting.
ReplyDeleteMy score according to the Good Partner quiz was 1-2 points. That kind of scares me a little bit, because I was really hoping for a solid zero. For the Healthy Relationship quiz, however, I scored a 5+- that is seriously scary. Luckily, I based this quiz off my (only) ex-boyfriend, so it’s not like I’m in any danger right this moment. Honestly, I didn’t expect that score! He was extremely sweet and caring with me, and, sure, he did have his mood swings, but I never thought anything was out of the ordinary.
ReplyDeleteConsidering all the new laws we have in place today compared to a few decades ago, one would think the problem would be going down, not up. …At least, that’s what I thought. I knew that the problem was huge, but I didn’t think it was getting worse and worse.
…And now that I think about it, maybe that’s the problem. Maybe it’s that so many people are thinking I was, no one’s giving the problem too much attention.
Young adults in this generation as well as the up coming generation don’t have much of the luxuries that the older generations were able to experience. Back then, families spent time together, they trained and taught their kids how to be respectful and honor their elders. It was expected for a young man to treat a lady like a princess and conduct himself in a gentleman like manner, as opposed to now a days the youth don’t have a solid foundation to fall back upon. Kids are forced to find alternate ways of how to treat their significant others and maintain relationships, they turn to media events happening with the most popular celebrities, they turn to music artists that only degrade women and their perspective of treasuring a relationship is viewed as a sign of weakness. We don’t have proper examples on public display for this generation or up coming one to reference on when they aren’t getting the training or attention they need at home. As long as this continues, and it doesn’t seem in the trend of stopping anytime soon, the rise of violence and neglect will continue to increase. It’s not necessarily the youth’s fault either, it was their parents or guardians job to educate them and direct them in the right path they should go and how to value and treat others.
ReplyDeleteI think violence among young adults has a lot of roots. Just one example is in mass media. I was trying to filter what my son was watching when he was younger, but it became impossible. Every time we watched a movie, I didn’t know what to do. Should I stop the movie, ask my son to close his eyes and ears, or send him out of the room? Nowadays, there is no movie without sexual content or violence. It’s one or the other, or both. This youngest generation has grown bored out of its mind, and filmmakers are trying to do whatever to capture their attention. Take the movie Transformers 1, for example. It’s an action movie (a lot of shooting) and a love twist. I don’t mind the shooting, but without very bloody scenes. It desensitizes all people, not just teens. Transformers 2 starts with a half-naked woman wearing her boyfriend’s t-shirt, walking up stairs. I do not mind love and nudity, but in movies for adults. During Transformers 1, my son was closing his eyes every time the main characters were getting close. Plus, right after the movie came out, stores were flooded with Transformer toys. Question #1: whom was this movie produced for? Adults or children? Were the producers so concerned that the movie would be so boring, wouldn’t become a blockbuster and they’d lose money? Question #2: Isn’t our government even the least bit concerned about the situation getting out of control?
ReplyDeletePop music is saturated with lewd, violent language, as well. Every time I hear a song filled with profanity or overly suggestive content, I think either I’ve lost my mind or censors have given up if they let such trashy music play on the radio. After all, my son and other teenagers listen to it too. In the middle of the day, you can hear songs with explicit (or thinly veiled) references to any number of sex acts.
I agree with Victoria, I think that the media and music world has a huge impact on how young adults of our generation view violence. I think that watching so many violent shows on TV definitely has a bigger impact in desensitizing people to violence and abuse than we may realize. I myself have been a victim of verbal abuse years ago. At the time I didn't really realize that that is what that person was doing to me because I was pretty naive then. I honestly don't believe that the guy that I was with completely realized that his behavior was abusive either. The test results showed that I am both in a healthy relationship and am a good partner for my boyfriend. My biggest deal breaker is trust. Since that previous relationship, I will not date a guy exclusively until I feel that I can trust him both physically and emotionally. Likewise, I talk openly to my boyfriend about things that could potentially cause him to lose trust in me (i.e. I am still really good friends with a guy that I used to date casually. I let my bf know exactly what we are doing and make sure he is ok with it ahead of time). I do those things so that he is not put in a position where he feels like he is losing control/needs to control the situation because I know that those controlling behaviors can quickly turn into abusive behaviors.
ReplyDeleteFor the good partner quiz I scored a solid zero i did it according to my past relationship and for the healthy relationship quiz, I don't have a boyfriend at the time but I know for a fact that I was in an unhealthy relationship, which is why I ended the relationship. I would say the reasons for dating violence and abuse is on the rise for several reasons, some say because they love the person too much so I guess they are blinded by it, it could be because of fear that the other will do something much more severe to them, it can also be because of financial reasons, religious purposes or in some cases, it was because of children. Others say it is because they are accustomed to it and they don't realize they are in an abusive relationship but no one deserves to be treated that way regardless. For the accustom part I believe that is inaccurate because I saw it growing up because my "father" was very abusive and violent towards my mother. I asked my mother why she stayed in that type of relationship for so long and said she stayed in it because of my brother and I. Personally going through that taught me to never be in that type of relationship. I have never let a man lay a finger on me nor disrespect me or say rude things to me. I know that's why I'm single because any negative thing they say or do will just be an automatic cutoff.
ReplyDeleteThis type of situation can affect anyone, if a person feels that they are being abused, they should do everything they can to end the relationship.
I took the quiz of the are you a good girlfriend and I got 5+ which is weird because I was not expecting to get that, but it did say "you may not realize this" so I guess that's why. For the healthy relationship one I got a 0 as a score, I'm not currently dating anybody but I based it off this guy I was dating in the past. I think that abuse is probably on the rise because the way that society may have portrayed it as for young adults. One thing that can be extremely influential is if somebody grew up around abuse. If their parents were like that they're used to seeing it which some people don't realize it can have a very deep affect on somebody. Either they witness it and learn to become like that, or they learn thinking it's no big deal and learn to take that abuse thinking it's most likely normal for couples to act like that. Also the way that media (celebrities, movies etc) can portray men can make it seem as though it is normal for some men to act violent towards women. It also has to do with one's morals and values of course, if they let a situation get out of control that it would lead to violence that could say a lot about them as a person and how they think to resolve conflicts. Yes it may be in the heat of the moment but in my eyes that still is obviously no excuse and like I said it really does show that persons true colors. When it comes to certain women it seems as thought they in a way learn to take it because they "love them". NOT saying ALL women do this but some do which sets a primary bad example for other women/people.
ReplyDeleteI think there are a few main factors that go into abusive relationships, whether that be the culture of our society today, or a person’s background or even just the fact that a person is young and naive. Like many of my peers above, I do think that a lot of the influence of abuse comes from the violent and sexually centered movies and music teenagers and young adults listen to in today’s society. I think abusive in these relationships also comes from a background as well. If someone was raised in an abusive household, even if it was such a small degree of abuse no one really considered it as so, they may have deemed that type of relationship normal and either learned to treat their partner that way, or learned to submit to that type of behavior as the norm in a relationship. Lastly, I think another big reason behind abuse seen in teenage and young adult relationships is the fact that they’re young and they may not know any better. They’re still figuring relationships out, and though that shouldn’t excuse any type of abusive behavior, they may not even recognize the way that they are treating they’re partner or the way their partner is treating them as signs of an abusive relationship.
ReplyDeleteI scored 5 points on both the good partner quiz and the healthy relationship quiz, but my partner and I aren't some crazy mess of a couple. On the the good partner quiz I answered yes to ignoring my partners call's, but he has called me as much as 8 times in one day and I have nothing to say that I didn't say in the first call, so I don't answer. Yes I do sometimes make fun of him but he does the same to me, and we both know it's in good fun it makes us laugh. In regards to making fun of each other, today for instance we were going up a flight of stairs, and I had tripped almost knocking his chemistry project out of his hands he said "I know it's hard to walk with clown sized feet, but try not take my things down with you" I laughed it off and said "with your spidery fingers I'd thought you'd have a better grip" I knew he was joking and so did he. with the healthy relationship he was rated a 5 as well, mainly because he does call me so often and expects me to tell him everything thats going on whether it's exciting or not, and I kind of suspect he goes through my emails and phone messages. Other than contacting me constantly he is very supportive and an all around good partner. About the violence among young adults I agree with Mary and Victoria, It's in most of today's media and we've become so jaded to it people start to act that way thinking it's normal to be so graphic, or cruel.
ReplyDeleteI think there is violence in the youmger relationships just do to with todays media and friends. The men are just trying to impress their friends by showing them who the boss is in the relationship. They think that if they show them physical dominencem that the girlfriend won't leave him or just put fear in her not to leave. And for me i was raised to never hit a woman. I could never hit a woman and it doesnt really depend on the situation. I could care less about what she did to hurt me, i still would never lay a hand on her.
ReplyDeleteAnd the relationship between the parents can really affect how their kids see a realtionship. If the parents do not have a healthy relationship then the kids will not know right from wrong when it comes to how to treat your partner in the relationship. They are just going to go off of what they see from mom and dad or what they see on reality tv shows.
I think abuse is on the rise because we don’t realize we are receiving or giving abuse. As adolescence we are learning ourselves. We mimic our parents unconsciously. We try to be with the in crowd and do what society says is cool. For these reasons we may not see anything wrong with our actions if we feel the majority does it experiences it and or goes through it. There are so many rules to follow when dating. You can’t say this you can’t text this person any more. You have to remember our first kiss. The first time we held hands. You can’t get mad or raise your voice. Don’t look at your partner with a glaring look because you will ruin your chances of marriage with that person. The list goes on and on and yes I am exaggerating a little. No matter what society sets guidelines and it’s hard to keep up with from time to time so just maybe the aggressor doesn’t know they are the aggressor.
ReplyDeleteAlthough it may be impossible to pin-point an exact reason to explain the rise of violence in relationships, I believe that popular culture and family backgrounds play a key role in the matter. Our modern day youth has the greatest access to information than at any other point in history; the drastic increase of technology over the past few years has made everything accessible at our fingertips. Though this may be helpful, at times it may prove to be detrimental, as it bypasses information and media to the youth without the need of parental supervision. It is through this intake of pop culture that kids and young adults become more exposed to glorified harmful behaviors that may be portrayed in different shows or movies: Jerry Springer comes to mind. While the audience may be aware that the arguments, as well as the escalation and, ultimately, confrontation of said arguments are part of an act to gain higher ratings, I believe that the instigation and glorification of the arguments embed a seed of justification for violent conduct in relationships. Furthermore, the development of character begins at an early age. Needless to say that a person is more susceptible to be abusive if, as a child, they grow up in a dysfunctional family or watching the parents engage in violent behavior. We usually see ourselves to be a perfect lover/partner, yet the quizzes may disprove our perception of ourselves. Nevertheless, I believe that there is always room for improvement in a relationship and the acceptance of our flaws may open the way for a more healthy relationship, thus decreasing the probability of violence in the relationship.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteWhen people mention abuse in a relationship they think it could only be physical , what abuse can be classified in many different ways such as: controlling, verbal and tech. Although sexual abuse is the most common, verbal can hurt as much. Surprisingly many women stay in those relationship for years, because they are scared of their partner. Considering nobody can be perfect in a relationship,I believe respect is a main key point to a healthy relationship. Respect provides the structure for a healthy relationship, without it you will start to develop bad customs with your partner like name calling,cursing and this will eventually lead to physical abuse. In both quizzes I scored a two, I can defiantly say I'm not the perfect girlfriend,but I always try to work problems out with my boyfriend. We have overcome many obstacles throughout our relationship and I believe that has made us so much stronger.
After taking the quiz, it said that I had some traits that came off as insulting, although I really don't think that is the case. When I am dating someone, they know that I am joking when I give them a hard time, and that's that. I have a very sarcastic sense of humor, and my partners always realize that. More often than not, I'm more sarcastic with those that I like than those that I don't. When going into a relationship, I make sure that my partner knows that that's just the type of person that I am, and there's really no changing that. But, with that being said, I also know when to be nice and supportive of my significant other, and when to be very loving.
ReplyDeleteI think that violence is on the rise because many teens are following after the role models and examples that are set for them. Many teens and college students are affected by the video games and movies/tv shows that they watch, and end up with the impression that they must be the 'macho' man and be superior to those around him. This mindset usually results in putting down a girl in order of making the guy look tough in front of his friends.
Our generation of young adults and teenagers today is no doubt very different in comparison to the ones from our parents and grandparents time. The “simple and wholesome” values that our elders grew up being raised to believe seem old fashioned and dated in a society where technology is as advanced than ever, and children are maturing at a faster rate than ever before. I think it’s much more commonplace now to shamelessly voice your opinion and do pretty much whatever you please. I’m not sure how to explain it, but that mentality, combined with the exposure to this advanced technology, society, and media, can be really liberating but can also have negative effects as well. I believe that that is one reason why dating violence among young adults is on the rise today. With all these junky tv reality shows, movies, music, etc. nowadays (many of which, I think, can be seen as crude and misogynistic), it can definitely have an impact on young adults because it’s honestly everywhere and inescapable. For example, when guys listen to music with lyrics that call women degrading names and make them seem only as sex objects, it just makes it more acceptable for them to believe that and change the way they view women as a whole. I think media and society today just make women out to be overly sexualized and that they should strive to appeal to men, which is unhealthy because it just seems like it just makes guys see women more of as objects instead of respecting them as equal human beings. This mentality just makes it easier for men to treat women badly and lay their hands on them if they’re upset with them or just because they feel like they’re free to do so.
ReplyDelete