Facts and Statistics About Infidelity
Given the secretive nature of infidelity, exact figures about cheating and extra-marital affairs are nearly impossible to establish. But, listed below are some of the most well-supported facts about cheating.
- It is estimated that roughly 30 to 60% of all married individuals (in the United States) will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage And these numbers are probably on the conservative side, when you consider that close to half of all marriages end in divorce
- Research consistently shows that 2 to 3% of all children are the product of infidelity. And most of these children are unknowingly raised by men who are not their biological fathers.
- Infidelity is becoming more common among people under 30. Many experts believe this increase in cheating is due to developing the habit of having multiple sexual partners before they get married.
- There are no definitive "signs of cheating." But, in hindsight you will always find them.
- Men are more likely to cheat than women. But, as women become more financially independent, women are starting to act more like men with respect to infidelity.
- In many cases, infidelity never gets discovered.
- Emotionally, it is possible to have feelings for more than one person at a time.
- As more and more women enter the work force, "office romances" are becoming more common. Spouses often spend more time with coworkers than with each other.
- The internet, e-mail, and chat rooms are making it easier for people to engage in infidelity.
- The initial decision to be unfaithful is rarely ever a rational choice; instead infidelity is usually driven by circumstances and one's emotions. In fact, most people are surprised by their own behavior at the start of an affair.
- Emotional infidelity, compared to just physical infidelity, can inflict as much, if not more, hurt, pain and suffering. And to make matters worse, most infidelity involves both physical and emotional betrayal. Like most of our behaviors, infidelity is not intentional, but, for the most part, it is situationally driven.
When placed in the right situation (or wrong situation, in this case), our emotions can prompt us to act in ways which are counter to our beliefs. Please note that some of the factors listed below are drawn from Buss and Shackelford's work on infidelity.
What high risk factors influence an individual's willingness to cheat?
Attractiveness
All things being equal, an individual’s attractiveness influences how likely he or she is to cheat. Attraction comes in many different forms – it is influenced by one’s physical appearance, one’s social skills, and one’s tangible resources (money). The more one is in demand, the more likely one is to cheat. People, who have higher incomes, more education, and successful careers, are more likely to cheat than people who are less successful. And physical attractiveness also plays an important role.
Opportunity
Again, all things being equal, the more individual free time people have the more likely they are to cheat. Couples who have
separate social lives, friends, careers, travel plans, and so on are much more likely to cheat than couples who spend most of their time together. The more opportunity people have to cheat, the greater the odds that cheating will occur.
Risk Taking
People who like to take risks or have a sense of adventure are more likely to cheat than people who are more fearful or timid by nature. And there is most likely a genetic component involved in risk-taking behavior - some people may be predisposed to taking risks.
Sexual Desire
Sexual desire varies from person to person. Some people have a very high sex drive while other people are much less concerned or interested in sex. And people with a high, rather than low, sex drive are more likely to cheat. Again, sexual desire appears to be influenced by genetic factors. Some people are inherently more easily aroused and driven by their desire for sex than other people. People who have multiple affairs are often addicted to the novelty and excitement which infidelity can provide. Men, more so than women, also tend to have a higher sex drive and are more likely to cheat.
Attitude Toward Love and Romance/Attachment and Love Styles
Some people view love and romance as a sacred bond between two individuals. Other people see love as a game, where the goal is to manipulate another individual and gain emotional power over a partner (ludus). People who view love as a game are much more likely to have multiple love interests; cheating is just another way to gain control over one's spouse. Also, people with a dismissive style of attachment, are more likely to cheat.
Relational Problems
As problems emerge in a relationship, people are more likely to cheat. Infidelity is more common in relationships where people feel misunderstood, under appreciated and where fighting and bickering is common.
Sense of Entitlement
Some people, due to their position in society, their beliefs about gender roles, or their cultural upbringing, believe that it is their right to cheat on their partners. In other words, some people believe that cheating is a privilege to which they are entitled. Such individuals, philanders, often engage in infidelity with little guilt or remorse.
Which of the 7 risk factors do you think has the largest influence on whether someone cheats and the increase in infidelity among young people today? Why? Give us an example if you know of one. Lastly, what can one do to "cheat proof" their relationship?
